Since coming here, there is a phenomenon which I have not yet had the distinct pleasure of discovering at a widespread level: the act of SEDUCTION. Seduction, the delicate art of talking, attracting, provoking, flirting, and flattering somebody who attracts you. Seduction, not merely as a means for the objective of sex, but as a pleasure in and of itself.
As a member of the heterosexual male type, I deplore the fact that seduction is not always possible here, and lacks the charming/romantic connotation that is found in literature and romantic Europe. More specifically, I feel that for all women talk about how they love guys who act “impulsively”, take them “off guard”, and "swoop them off their feet", it’s really all just rubbish. When I think of the number of times that I have made eye contact on Locust Walk with women, smiled at them, and received an obviously interested smile in return. But when I looked back after we passed each other, it was rare that the person would also turn to look back. On the rare occasions that the person did and I went to speak to them, it was always weird, as if the person wasn’t used to being accosted so unpredictably.
So anyways, I spoke to my lady friends here, asking them exactly what were the occasions to meet someone and flirt? The first in line was, obviously, parties. Ah yes, beer and rap music, people shouting “EAGLES!”, and vomiting on you is the perfect setting for subtle seduction and flattery.
Then came the idea of meeting someone through a friend. Which is a very valid response, were it not for the fact that we all end up hanging with the same people and it’s highly unlikely that your friends only have the most beautiful and interesting group of friends for you to meet. Therefore, yes you can meet someone through your friends but how many people can you meet? Is that right person going to be in your group? I doubt it.
Then there was the answer of meeting people in class. Which is true, indubitably, but there is an environment and a behaviour in class that is different from the social behaviour to meet people. Especially at an Ivy-League university where so many students are so hyped up about not missing a scratch from the blackboard or a cough the professor might have strategically placed. Sure, you meet a lot of people in class, but do you really get to know them? Not as you would in a relaxed atmosphere with friends.
That was the end of responses I got. I find this depressing.
Just think of all the potential partners on the Penn campus. Considering three things: 1) beauty is in the eye of the beholder, 2) there are over 5,000 undergrads for your eyes to behold, and 3) a lot are in a stage of their lives where they need attention from others. The bottom line is: YOU'VE GOT A HUGE CHOICE. Imagine you’re walking from Huntsman towards Van Pelt and someone is coming in the opposite direction. You both look at each other, you both smile. In my admittedly extreme opinion, that is all you should need to know: both of you are interested, so you should talk to each other. Say something stupid. Who cares? It's known nobody actually remembers what that first sentence was. Just looking into each other’s eyes, knowing that you’re wanted, it’s an incredible high. Actually, it’s probably better for you to say something stupid, just so that you can laugh about it and break the ice.
Basically, it's seduction. It's the wonderful art of showing someone you like them, crave them, want them, and want them to know you like them. It's so beautiful, it provides such an unimaginable drive, such a high. It's a flattery of the ego worth anything. It's like having sex for the first time with the person of your dreams, but it happens again, and again, and again.
That’s the problem here, in my opinion. Seduction and the process of meeting people is so organized and so rigid that it kills choice, spontaneity, and passion. Sure, frat parties are the absolute anti-thesis of the words
organized and
rigid, but that craziness only happens inside frat parties. As if the flirtatious behaviour was born and died inside that environment. Yet beautiful people, sexy people, interesting people are not confined to an environment of parties. But they do go out, eat lunch, get in elevators, check out books, read the DP. And most people need to feel that they are wanted as much as you and me. I mean, unless you're already seeing someone (and even then...) there is no reason you shouldn't meet them. I’ve gone out with a girl I met while being evacuated from a movie theatre, in the midst of panic and confusion. If you can meet people then, you can meet them anywhere.
I don't know about you, but for my part, you cannot imagine the terrible frustration that I feel each time I make eye contact with someone and I know we're both interested, but nothing will happen. In my mind it's like:"Why the fuck do we feel these things, these emotions or urges or passions, if we're supposed to suppress them all the time? If I feel a connection with someone, there must be a reason why something as inexplicable as that exists, and why I felt it. I must do something about." Unfortunately, it takes two to tango.
Anyways, maybe that’s just who I am that’s different. I fervently believe in seizing the moment, but maybe there’s a time for everything. Or maybe I’m not adapted to American taste. Who knows, I may be horrifying, uninteresting, and presumptuous, thus completely unattractive for my fellow peers. But this is infinitely bigger than a single person, me or other. This is a social question that applies to all of us. A number of you have told me yourselves that it’s not well seen to be that spontaneous, or to react to such spontaneity. What can I say? That’s just too bad. Go up to the person, or if you're too shy, attract their attention in some way or another. Do something, just do it. I promise you won't regret it.
